4 replies to this topic

[eva]

great friends
are definitely NOT
those who seem to be very interested in your friendship when they want to go somewhere.. and you have a car..
i have this one friend who is always trying to get me to drive her places.. like chicago.. (a good 3 1/2 hour drive from our school, and not a drive i want to make in my not toooo reliable car).. and then she gets angry when i say no!
on thursday, she got online (i think this was her way of ignoring the nudging thought in her mind that what she was doing was wrong) and asked me if i could take her to the mall on saturday because she needed to go bra shopping. i was fine with that, thinking it would be the two of us shopping. of course, as i say yes, she says "oh, my friend molly from cross country wants to go too, that's okay, right?" no, it wasn't, mainly because i knew she had already made plans with this girl and just expected me to drive, but i'd already said yes. so today, i'd already decided i wasn't taking them. why would i want to drive two people to the mall so they could go shopping without me? i run into her around 12:30. "so, you're still taking us, right?" "actually, i have too much to do.." (not really a lie, a friend had borrowed my detergent, so i really needed to catch up on laundry today). "UGH I HAD SO MANY PEOPLE DEPENDING ON YOU." "maybe you shouldn't depend on me to drive you everywhere." and she walked away.
i guess that i wouldn't really have a problem with it if it were something actually important she wanted a ride to, or if she actually want ed to do something with me there, but i know she's only asking me because i have the car to get her there. what she doesn't realize is that i don't have the money she does to be wasting on gas to drive her all over the place. what i really don't understand is why she doesn't have a car here. she has the money and the car at home, she just didn't bring it.
that's not the only problem i am having with her. she's been really hypocritical about behavior.. like alcohol/drugs (they're really the same thing, which is why she's really bothering me with that issue) and sex.. and i'm just getting really sick of it. it's like, until you can be a perfect angel, lay off everyone else. there's a lot more i could say which is exactly why i will stop now!

[Lady Night Owl]

Wow. Definitely sounds like she's just using you and you'd be a lot better off if you just told her to take a hike.

I totally see what you're saying - if she had something really important to do (that she needed a ride for: like surgery and needing to be driven due to anesthesia) or if you were to be included in what ever was going on...

AND she should at least give you gas money if she's bugging you for a ride.

Some people really need to get a grip on reality!

[Wolfie]

eva, on Sep 29 2007, 17:12, said:

on thursday, she got online (i think this was her way of ignoring the nudging thought in her mind that what she was doing was wrong) and asked me if i could take her to the mall on saturday because she needed to go bra shopping. i was fine with that, thinking it would be the two of us shopping. of course, as i say yes, she says "oh, my friend molly from cross country wants to go too, that's okay, right?" no, it wasn't, mainly because i knew she had already made plans with this girl and just expected me to drive, but i'd already said yes. so today, i'd already decided i wasn't taking them. why would i want to drive two people to the mall so they could go shopping without me? i run into her around 12:30. "so, you're still taking us, right?" "actually, i have too much to do.." (not really a lie, a friend had borrowed my detergent, so i really needed to catch up on laundry today). "UGH I HAD SO MANY PEOPLE DEPENDING ON YOU." "maybe you shouldn't depend on me to drive you everywhere." and she walked away.

When someone asks for a favor, the general rule of thumb is that the one being asked gets to add on extras. Would have been different if she had been like, "Hey a friend and I need to go bra shopping on Sat and we need a ride, so I was thinking that all 3 of us could go have some laughs while doing it..." because then yes, she's putting it out there that she needs you for the transportation, but is also making it that you are included in the plans of what to do while there.

The only time it's ok to invite someone else along is when the one doing the favor says it. Like if she invites you over and you ask if you can bring a friend along.


As for the "so many were depending on you" bull, ask her how 2 people can be counted as "so many people". If it turns out that she was making lots of plans dependent on your limoing her around, then just tell her that you have problems of your own that you have to take care of and that her problems aren't your problems nor are they your fault.

eva, on Sep 29 2007, 17:12, said:

what she doesn't realize is that i don't have the money she does to be wasting on gas to drive her all over the place. what i really don't understand is why she doesn't have a car here. she has the money and the car at home, she just didn't bring it.

Next time she's trying to rope you in for a ride, if your tank is nearly empty tell her that you're tank is running low and you're short on funds. If she offers anything less than $10 ($20 if it's more than a 20min drive), then laugh and be like, "You haven't been keeping up with the price of gas lately, have you?" I'm sure you see where I'm coming from. When she tries to pull the argument that $5 will cover the trip there and back, just make a point of the fact that breaking even (if it really would cover the cost) isn't the name of the game, that when someone wants a ride, they should offer more than enough funds to cover gas, not just enough to break-even.

eva, on Sep 29 2007, 17:12, said:

that's not the only problem i am having with her. she's been really hypocritical about behavior.. like alcohol/drugs (they're really the same thing, which is why she's really bothering me with that issue) and sex.. and i'm just getting really sick of it. it's like, until you can be a perfect angel, lay off everyone else. there's a lot more i could say which is exactly why i will stop now!

So then use her arguments against her. If she preaches about sex and then she gets laid, say something to her about it. "I thought you said that sex before marriage was wrong, so I guess that makes you wrong too eh?"

Then the next time she's trying to preach about it, just remind her (better if in front of others) about who she was doing the other day.

That's usually enough to shut someone up if they've been outed in front of a group, because then they all have ammo to use against the indecisive prude.


Also, please continue on about her. This is the best place to vent it.

[eva]

exactly. had she mentioned she was bringing someone else to begin with, it would've been different. i'm also pretty sure by the lots of people or whatever she meant she'd invited a lot more people.. who i was going to cart around town all day. NO THANKS.
as for the sex thing, she sure isn't getting any. she's one of those "eeew boys!" type of people, but not because she's against sex, because she has absolutely NO EXPERIENCE, and i think before she judges what anyone else is doing, she should know what she's talking about.
the drugs/alcohol issue is sort of similar, only that's where she's really being hypocritical. she was "dating" this guy last year through about 2 weeks ago. he smoked a lot of pot, and she knew that from the start, but she was set on making him quit. she, on the other hand, drinks like a fish.
when we got back to school this year, all of a sudden she goes "i'm going straight edge." i'm pretty sure this was so she wouldn't seem quite so hypocritical when telling her boyfriend not to smoke while she was getting drunk. well, every time she was around alcohol the first couple weeks, she always ended up having a bit, and last weekend we went to a party, and she got ridiculously drunk, danced on a refrigerator, and played strip poker.
it just really bothers me that people separate alcohol from other drugs and assume it's better because it's legal once you're a certain age. alcohol is a drug.
BUT if you're not going to tell someone to do something, at least have a good reason. i understand that people have problems with drugs, but her real only reason that she didn't want him smoking pot was because it meant he wouldn't be around her because she refused to hang out with him if he was high.
she also always assumes that (if she knows someone's smoked pot) any time that person says something a little weird, it's because he or she is high.
once i texted her and asked if she wrote this weird thing on my door because i really had no clue who did it, and the next time i saw her, she kept going "you were probably high!" which i was not. talk about annoying.

[Wolfie]

eva, on Sep 30 2007, 11:41, said:

exactly. had she mentioned she was bringing someone else to begin with, it would've been different. i'm also pretty sure by the lots of people or whatever she meant she'd invited a lot more people.. who i was going to cart around town all day. NO THANKS.

Sounds to me like she thinks you're a limo and the cost is to con you into giving everyone a ride.

eva, on Sep 30 2007, 11:41, said:

it just really bothers me that people separate alcohol from other drugs and assume it's better because it's legal once you're a certain age. alcohol is a drug.

Technically, food is a drug too. Anything that enters the body that has a chemical affect on the body is a drug (or something like that).

eva, on Sep 30 2007, 11:41, said:

once i texted her and asked if she wrote this weird thing on my door because i really had no clue who did it, and the next time i saw her, she kept going "you were probably high!" which i was not. talk about annoying.

What you should do is reverse it on her. Next time she's saying that you were high, be like, "No, it wasn't me, it was you." Then when she denies it, be like, "You just don't remember because the drugs make you forget." After a few times, I'm sure she'll get the hint. Either that, or she'll get real pissed and then you can tell her that it pisses you off when she makes comments like that to you (or about you).



No offense, but if it were me, I would have shunned her a long time ago, or more likely, would have really chewed her ass out to let her know that her shit won't be tolerated.