Where is Rube when you need him?

[Wolfie]

I often chauffeur my mother around because I can get to places faster since I'm comfortable with driving. So I took her to a mall where she was returning stuff to one of the stores (J.C. Penny). So I pull up to a spot right at some sliding doors (catalog center) where it's posted "No parking", to drop her off so she wouldn't have to walk too far to get inside with the stuff she was returning. Meanwhile, right in front of me, this lady gets out of a white car, flashers blinking and she runs inside. I look over to the left and there in the lane heading the opposite direction was a black SUV like vehicle, stopped, with the driver chatting up a storm with a lady standing right next to her.

 

Okay so essentially three 'lanes', two specifically for driving and one for picking up/dropping off passengers. Obviously, no parking in any of them. So I'm watching all this go on, while I'm sitting behind the white car, in drive (and shifting to reverse to move back some and then back to drive). Several minutes later, the lady of the white car comes out and puts a couple of bags into the backseat of her car and then gets in. At that moment, the lady chatting it up with the driver of the black SUV vehicle pops over to the white car, talking to her for a moment, then back to the black vehicle to say a semi quick good bye, then back over to the lady in the white car. During this entire time, there were a few vehicles that either had to drive in the wrong direction to get past or had to wait as this lady tried to talk to two different women at the same time.

 

So after the black SUV leaves, she's back over at the white car chatting up a conversation. By this time, I'm really peeved and I'm looking rather intently at her. After a few glances at me, she starts to realize that I'm looking specifically at her (not just glancing around and happening to look at her from time to time). I decide to really lay it on and I grab my phone and aim the back of it at her, as if I'm taking pictures. As soon as I do this, she starts looking away from me (guilty shy much lady?). So I go ahead and grab a couple of pictures and a minute later, she's walking towards the parked cars and says something in my direction (I forget exactly what). Me, being my vocal self, respond back to her.

 

By this time her friend has turned her car around and I mention that I have three problems. One was that lady parking in the no parking area, to which the chatterbox woman said something about how her friend had to run into the store to grab a couple of things. Um, hello!! Just about everyone that goes there is 'running in' to grab/buy some things. So if everyone who was doing that were to park in that NO parking spot, then the area would be a mess of cars jammed up there. I also pointed out how it was rude of her and the other lady to tie up the traffic the way they did. Her response to that was that the driver of the black SUV was a minister (bullshit!) and that she (chatterbox) had a family member in the hospital. (Um, when my grandfather was in the hospital dying, I didn't use that as an excuse to do whatever the hell I wanted...)

 

This motormouth then proceeded to bicker on about how *I* was parked in the no parking area (no I wasn't, my vehicle was in gear the entire time) and how I broke the law because I took pictures of her and her friend without their permission. Um, no, that's not against the law considering it was out in public view and I wasn't taking any lewd photos of her. Legally, I could grab a camera, go anywhere that's public access and snap photos of people all day long.

 

So then she says how she's going to get my license plate number and report me.. (For what, not kissing her royal ass?) She then went inside, still trying to talk big. Wow, what a self absorbed... well, I'll let you pick from any number of words that would describe her. This is where it gets somewhat amusing or disturbing, depending on your point of view. Being that both the traffic hogs were gone and motormouth was spreading noise pollution inside the store, I drove off to find somewhere to park while I waited for my mother to finish her returns. I had pulled into a spot where I could see the door and after being there for a couple of minutes, I decided to move forward and start looking for another place to sit. Wouldn't you know it, that lady came out of those doors at that same moment and looked like she had seen a ghost. Now, to her, I'm sure she thought I was stalking her at that point (disturbing to her) but her reaction was amusing to me. I moved to another spot where I could see the door and stayed there until I saw my passenger exit. As I pulled up to let her in, she was commenting about how this lady inside was freaking out.

 

So I told her the situation and she told me that the way the lady was acting/talking, you'd think I had taken a photo up her skirt or something. No offense lady... Wait, I take that back, take offense to this.. But YOU aren't worth taking photos of like that. Not that I would do it at all (really I wouldn't), but if I *were* gonna take up-the-skirt photos, it would be of a chick that is HOT, not some ugly, egotistical, motormouth pompous witch. Being honest, it's only the ugly part that I wouldn't do it, not the rest. If she's hot, then who the hell cares about the personality when looking at pictures of her?

 

Later on, I called the store to talk to the person in charge at that time and explained (my side) of the situation to him, so that if the cops were called or anything, they'd have a more honest telling of the situation. A telling that can be easily confirmed by looking at the video footage from the malls cameras.

 

Geez, I swear some people REALLY need to get told off by someone who can intimidate the shit out of them so that they'll keep their stupid mouth shut and listen to what they need to hear. Rube (from Dead Like Me) would have been perfect for this situation.

 

This quote is a good example of what he'd be perfect for it (http://www.imdb.com/...es?qt=qt0392374), the scene is in a post office and this lady cut the line to be with her 'friend' near the front of the line:

Rube Sofer: I have a question for you. Is everyone in this line an butthole?

Cutting Woman: Eh, excuse me?

Rube Sofer: Is everyone you just cut in front of an butthole?

Cutting Woman: Eh, no.

Rube Sofer: So it's just you then.

Cutting Woman: I have children in the car.

Rube Sofer: I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter, she's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that - it's shameful.

 

I can only imagine how he'd lay down the reality of their wrongdoings to those women and make them feel like arrogant shits for the way they behaved. Would have LOVED to see them each put in their place.

 

Another copy of that quote, this time from http://www.tv.com/sh...-317716/#quotes

(A woman cuts in line at the post office)

Rube: Afternoon ladies. Are you two old friends?

Cutter: Eh, her daughter is in my son's class.

Rube: I have a question for you. Is everyone in this line an a**hole?

Cutter: Eh, excuse me?

Rube: Is everyone you just cut in front of an a**hole?

Cutter: Eh, no.

Rube: So its just you then.

Cutter: I have children in the car.

Rube: I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter, she's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that — it's shameful.

Cutter: Ehh. (Goes to back of line)

(Everyone in line claps)

[Wolfie]

Scene from Dead Like Me. Navigate to 4:53 to see it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsgCIxJ9AZU#t=293s