Dish

Only one time? Consider yourself lucky.

It's always Valentine's Day with you around.

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient. You know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift." "Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today." Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you." "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come." Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything." Again the father said, "I really don't care. At least the five of us are together today." After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much but we just never found the time to get married." The three children gasped and said, "You mean we're bastards?" "Yes," said the father. "and cheap ones, too!"

bullpucky.

Hmm. Let's use throw and throw off the entire groove of the DA/Mint/CJ/CFO/VP because Wolfie wants another cake for the day! Let's not toon up, even though you're the only one without laff points missing. let's use throw instead cuz you only need throw! Or hey.. Let's yell at someone who backed your throw up with a drop when your throw misses and my drop hits! I could go on forever but I gots stuff to do today...

Never! 0=] Have you ever gone a whole weekend without sleeping?

Enrager.

I bow at your deduction skills.

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation of his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told here to simply mail him a post card, and write Spaghetti on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife. His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it, he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, and one without. Send Bread!

It's a love hate thing. Or so my friends say.. Don't worry. If I'm ever truly angry with him, only he will know privately. Otherwise I'm just dishing to him what he deserves.

Thanks, guys. So far, I am working, after work I have to buy flowers for a funeral, hopefully I'll get to eat at my favorite Mexican dive, then a whole lotta nothing for the rest of the day.

It's definitely true. I mean sheesh, how many times have I read a story about someone who left their keys in the car as they paid for their gas, only to find out their car was stolen in the small amount of time? Now what happens if your kids are in that car and the thief doesn't realize it? Suddenly a mildly bad person, who just steals material things, has to make some quick decisions while under the influence of stress.

Oh.. well I'm not explaining that one

lol.. I didn't think this would be a difficult joke to get. They're bachelors. No wife or girlfriend to clean up after them.. He can't "take a clean plate" cuz there are no "clean" ones. The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking. “I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.” “Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank. “You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”

Fine. One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daug hter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

I thought of pasting a joke but I couldn't think of any clean ones.

Another day, another post.

heh.. goodbye old retired man, no supplemental income for you!

I'm replying to your thread for my post #2 for the day so I can play at work. I couldn't reply twice to my own thread. Wolf, you're such a dictator.

TWO posts today? WTH Wolf? (postcount +1)

THIS is my thread for posting so I can play the arcade. The previous thread was a test. If it had been an actual posting thread, you would've seen me in the friggin arcade.

This will be my daily thread to post babble in so I can play the arcade. :Pdisregard this one! new one coming! hehe...

Yeah, whatever. Bum.

Dude, your whole life is a vacation. Get a job, you bum.