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[SX]Future career

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One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daug hter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.




Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?"




The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

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Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking. “I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.” “Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank. “You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”
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*wondering if either of them are getting the joke yet*
lol.. I didn't think this would be a difficult joke to get. They're bachelors. No wife or girlfriend to clean up after them.. He can't "take a clean plate" cuz there are no "clean" ones.



The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.


"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"


"11" he replied.


The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."


"What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?"


"Today and tomorrow."


He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.


"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"


Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."


"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"


So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.


"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

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