Wolfie

Quest #2: Isthmus Oasis 11 games to complete. 10 coins each time you win a game. Casino game is the cup-shuffling game. Cost is 3, prize is 10. Secret coin area: Palm tree on bottom right Cross Currents Clicks: 8/8 Score: 34,472 Easy enough. Continue to click the color in the middle forming a plus sign. Order: Red, Green, Yellow, White. Next, click the 4 remaining groups of colors in any order. Style Man Clicks: 5/5 Score: 26,283 Click Green, Red, Yellow, White, Blue. Over Under Clicks: 9/9 Score 22,761 1. Yellow circle 2. Red x 2 3. Green 4. White in center 5. Yellow in center 6. Blue 7. White 8. Yellow Immovable Objects Clicks: 10/10 Score: 12,110 This one looks tricky but it's simple. Get the top blocks first 1. Yellow 2. White 3. Red 4. Green 5. Blue Next, the bottom blocks. To make it easy, only click the bottom line of colors. 6. White 7. Blue 8. Yellow 9. Red 10. Green Hidden Lake Lattice* Clicks: 10/10 Score: 23,032 1. Blue line (at top) 2. Red lines (4) 3. Green x 2 4. White 5. Yellow 6. Blue This puzzle is hidden from view. I think it opens up after you have finished all the other puzzles in area #2.

In the Quest area of the game (where you have to go to unlock the puzzles in the Quick play area), you have to go along a small journey. The different puzzles are listed here to make it easier to get through them. Instead of trying to decide what is easy and what is not, I've included all the puzzles that I have the solutions for. After all, what is easy for me might be difficult for someone else. Some notes about the 'guide' here. 1. I've only listed the puzzles that I know how to solve. This means that if I haven't gotten to it or if I haven't been able to solve it yet, then I won't have the solution posted. Sorta works out that way, know what I mean? 2. For the clicks shown, the first number is how many clicks the instructions will use. The second number is the "best solution" number of clicks. This means that if you see something like 7/6, it means the solution I have listed takes 7 moves, but the "Best Solution" only requires 6 moves. Obviously, if I knew the best solution, I'd list that one, so don't ask why I gave a solution that uses more moves. 3. The puzzles, as best as I can, are in order from the starting point of the quest area to the "Next" sign. Hidden puzzles that open up are listed at the bottom of the quest area. Quest #1: Fledgling Fields Star is starting point. Tree is free coins. Red starred areas are puzzles. Games: 8 Reward: 5 Casino game: "Slot Machine". Cost 1/prize 5. Secret coin area: Tree on right next to path leading to the shop. (See circled tree in picture) Three Click Puzzle Clicks: 3/3 Score: 40,105 Click yellow LAST. Click the other 2 colors first. Doesn't matter which order, just that yellow is last. Flower Power Clicks: 3/3 Score: 26,083 1. Green 2. Blue 3. Red The Eyes Have It Clicks: 7/7 Score: 44,697 1. Green x 2 2. Blue x 2 3. Red 4. Yellow 5. White When you first see this puzzle, you'll see a set of eyes. If you look at it before you click the red, the eyes will appear a bit meaner.

This one has many ways to win it. Easiest way (but not the best score) Click on the button at the bottom that has the left/right arrows on it. The entire bottom row will drop. Repeat the process until all the buttons are gone. 14 clicks, score 2,604. Better way (more complicated instructions) First let's use up the arrowed buttons. 1. Going from top to bottom, click on the left/right arrows on each line that has purple. 2. Click on the left/right block at the top. 3. Click the quad arrow block. Now for the rest. 4. Green 5. White 6. Yellow 11 clicks, score 6,417

There's a smiley face winking at you! 1. Purple x 5 (when done, you'll see the winking face) 2. Yellow 3. Blue x 3 4. Green x 3 5. Red x 3 5. White 16 clicks, score 16,058

Pretty simple puzzle. If you look at it before destroying it, you'll see that it looks just like a door (hence its name). The bomb serves as the doorknob. 1. White x 2 2. Purple x 4 3. Red bomb 4. Green x 3 10 clicks, score 13,282

This has different ways to do it. Easiest and best way 1. White 2. Top to bottom, click all purples 3. Bottom to top, click all greens 4. Red 5. Yellow 6. Blue 14 clicks, score 18.946 Alternatively, you could skip the white blocks until last. But you would use more clicks and end up with a lower score.

This one requires planning ahead. You may be tempted to click on the green or white before the end, which would leave you with 1 or 2 extra blocks, meaning that you lose. 1. White at top. 2. Blue x 4 3. Red x 2 4. Yellow 5. Purple 6. White x 2 7. Green 12 clicks for 39,792

Simple one 1. All greens (top, left, right, bottom) 2. Blues (top, bottom) 3. Purple 4. Red Total of 8 clicks, end score: 32,598

Rather simple strategy, start with the center color and work your way out. 1. Purple 2. Red 3. White 4. Yellow 5. Green 6. Blue Total of 6 clicks, end score: 36,376

This one doesn't need a screenshot. Click on the colors in this order: 1. White 2. Purple x3 3. Blue 4. Red 5. Green x 2 6. Yellow Total of 9 clicks, end score: 8,617

Rather easy. 1. Left and right yellows. 2. Left and right reds. 3. Purple (will get rid of all purple) 4. Left and right yellows. 5. White Total of 8 clicks, end score: 38,866

Looking at the screenshot, you click in the order shown. 1. Botton yellow 2. Top yellow (this will get rid of all but 4 yellow blocks) 3. Red 4. Blue From there, just click all the greens, starting at the bottom, then click the yellows and you're done. Total of 8 clicks, end score: 45,748

Cool game. You can download it from GameHouse.com or Shockwave.com. If you go to play the different puzzles, then look here if you need help. Look for the puzzle number in the topic. If you can't find a topic with the puzzle number you need help with, then make a new topic with the puzzle number (and puzzle name if you know it) and ask for help. Keep in mind that the puzzles repeat after #108. So #109 is really #1, #110 is really #2, etc. For those wondering why I'm doing it... It's fun to make a map of success. It's also good to see if others play the game and then have a different strategy that works better (higher score, easier instructions, etc). Also, if someone is stuck on one of the levels, it helps them to get past it. If you decide to play the game and you find a better way to do one of the puzzles, then reply to the puzzle # and give your instructions. Puzzles #1-10: #1 Art #2 Mixing Colors #3 Baseball #4 White Stripe #5 Blue X #6 Purple In The Middle #7 Robe #8 Red Door #9 Wink #10 Deception

So?

I feel like being rich.

Bear Chase In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, Lord, for the food I'm about to receive...."

Cat Bathing by Bud Herron Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away. I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary - the kitty odours that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace. The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez." When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub: Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.) Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask and a long-sleeve flak jacket. Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product-testing experiment for J.C. Penney.) Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more that two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record is - for cats - three latherings, so don't expect too much.) Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defences and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But, at least now he smells a lot better.

That rocks. Kinda unsanitary in a weird way but it works.

Another version of the same joke... Bad Parrot Bob received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Bob tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example... Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bob put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming -- then suddenly there was quiet. Bob was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bob's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior." Bob was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a drastic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Whatever dude, go Navy.

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice -- even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and his Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing, it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card which is in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home

PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen sometimes -- a billion-to-one shot, at least." The heartbreaking tale of constipation and tragedy began April 23 when the conscientious zookeeper noticed that his prize, 8,000-pound African elephant didn't seem to be producing his usual poop aplenty. "Friedrich had actually been concerned for several days because he knew that severe constipation can kill an elephant," assistant zookeeper Kurt Herrman recalled. "He told me he was going to stay late that Thursday night to treat Stefan with laxatives and possibly give him an enema. I offered to help, but he sent me on home, saying he had everything under control." Two hours later, horrified night watchman Walter Pleuger found Friedrich lying lifeless under a mound of muck, his body visible only from the knees down. "I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted alone."

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS, President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story: On March 23,1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the descender was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned. "Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor, whence the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded. The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus. Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So here's what we do to keep warm: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, doesn't it? I've used it several times with no complaints. When I get to the bottom and start working, what I do is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck and flood my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my itchy butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot-water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than poison ivy under a cast. I had put that hose down my back, but I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My butt crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communications system. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he and 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 hellish in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my butt when I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. We've since modified the equipment to filter out most sea creatures. Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to squash a jellyfish on your butt. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable.

Dear Friends, My wife Toni is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this shit!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled on the History Channel in the near future. Here goes. Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Toni. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this household security product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your basic 250 lb. tattooed sociopath assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (I'm an techno-geek...we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect, and unchained electrons are just a whole bunch of fun. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two little bitty AAA batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me doin' the readin', not Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time... So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?) I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY SHIT! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet eight or nine times. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "That was fun! Do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by your violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.) SON-OF-A-butch that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure. By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.