Wolfie

I'm sure you'll get a pic of him in the newspaper one day when he's in an accident and his leg has to be amputated (if it isn't already whacked off).

12 more? Sheesh this summer is taking forever.

Ok so I went to my local grocery store to buy some milk (managed to get $100 to be able to buy a gallon of the white shit). Anyways, I park and as I'm getting out of the vehicle, I notice that in the one next to me, there are 2 kids (under 10 years of age) sitting in the back seat, all strapped in and everything. If you're wondering what's so bad about that then think of what I said EXACTLY. Anyways, I called 9-1-1, reporting the incident.. Oh that guy is SOOOO lucky that he came out of the store and got into his car and left. Because if he had been in the store for another few minutes, he would have been coming out and likely finding himself getting hauled off to jail. No, it wasn't hot outside (about 9AM and was relatively nice/cool out). I do believe the doors were locked (I didn't test them so I'm not certain). Windows were rolled up and yes it was parked in a spot close to the store. But still, WHY DO SOME PEOPLE DO THAT?!? Don't they realize just how incredibly stupid that is? Someone could come along, break in and run off with the kids. Suddenly, there's a kidnapping because of someones need to "run in real quick". I don't care how freaking fast you're gonna be, YOU ALWAYS TAKE YOUR KID(s) WITH YOU! You'd think that with all the recent stories of parents being arrested for leaving their kids alone, that people would get a clue! Geez. B)

and when you're cooking, what kind of dishes do you want to use? Clean or dirty? *wondering if either of them are getting the joke yet*

If a plate isn't clean, then it's...?

Banning you from the games. ^^

This topic has been deemed PO (Potentially Offensive). This is not a warning to anyone involved in the topic. The title of the topic has only been changed to warn others who may wish to avoid being offended.

Someone recently commented to me that one of the jokes on here was a bit offensive to them. Now while trying to not censor things too much, there is the need for sensitivity, so as I need them I will make a few prefixes to help people either look for to read, or try to avoid certain jokes. So here's the list... [PO] Potentially Offensive [sX] Content is sexual, has implied sex or makes reference to sex. Only one so far but I'll add onto it as needed.

Still, 20 of me is better than 1 of you.

Ok read it again...

I sure as hell wouldn't want to deal with 20 of me. I'd end up strangling each one of me before it was over with.

That quote was more to answer your question than to say not to ask.

http://www.n-raged.com/uploads/remoteimages/765-1.jpg

In other words, you wouldn't want to deal with a bunch of you.

It's a wikipedia.

How do you think I came up with that comparison?

From the looks of it, Shreddies is the UK version of Chex. It comes in Coco, Frosted and Honey flavors.

I'm sure teachers hate it when students think that the teachers don't know what they are talking about when they do.

I just happen to be good at some of the games. Heck, I haven't played half of the games.

May be short, but it's true.

If you thought you were HAVING a bad day, listen to this... This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick is this Bricklayer's report: Dear Sir: I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks INTO it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep INTO the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell INTO the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope...

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny. The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk. I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle. Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM! - Kenny nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer".

This is funny. Kinda long, but it reads really fast. Whenever you have a really bad day and feel like you just need to take it out on someone, STOP! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T KNOW! Now get this. I needed to call a friend and tried dialing the number from memory. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin, could I please speak to Robin Carter?" The phone was slammed down in my ear! I couldn't believe anyone could be so rude. I looked up Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I decided to call the "wrong" number again. The same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. I wrote down the number and the word "jackass". I put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, while paying bills, or after a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I thought I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He said, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!" Keep reading, it gets better. An old lady at the mall was taking her time pulling out of her parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. When she finally did pull out, I began to move forward. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and whips into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A week later I had a really bad day. I made my usual Jackass call, (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) Then I remembered the guy with the black Camaro, I found his number in my wallet and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car is parked right out front." "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes," "Don, you're a jackass!" I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dial. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. After several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I called Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said "What's your name, pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said, "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro is parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" I hung up. Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your ass." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 with the same story. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious watching two Jackasses kicking the shit out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a Channel 13 News helicopter! It was one of the greatest experiences of my life! ~ Name withheld to protect the guilty.

Why would it have to be clean? Rhonda posted a joke here and it's not clean.